How We Mentor: Befriending Your Horses

People notice something about Happy Body practitioners beyond weight loss—friends often remark that they have a new sparkle in their eye and a spring in their step, almost like a racehorse. In fact, someone once said to me that our gym is like a training stable for thoroughbreds who emerge sleek, confident and performing at their best. That made me think of the process that young horses go through to become champions.

When my daughter Natalie fell in love with horseback riding, she fell more in love with horses than with riding itself. The first horse she rode was Rosie, a calm senior horse, and the two developed a strong sense of mutual respect. Despite being only six, Natalie understood the size and power of horses and also how sensitive they were—their skin, their hearing, their emotions. She was more interested in brushing, bathing and caring for Rosie than in perfecting her skills in the ring. If Natalie could choose what to do for her hour on horseback, she’d select trail-riding, where she and Rosie could both enjoy getting out in nature together.

One day Natalie asked how horses could be changed from wild creatures who used to roam the plains to domesticated allies who work with humans in partnership. Together we watched a documentary that illustrated two methods of training. The first, mainly used by poorer populations living on the edge of survival who had to “break” horses quickly for sale, was brutal. It was difficult to watch—the horses were abused and their spirits were broken. They performed, but they did it as slaves. They wouldn’t initiate anything or interact with people beyond doing what they had to because they were forced. The second method took more time but it caused no pain and suffering. The trainer established a relationship with the horse, developing a sense of trust and forming a partnership where there was mutual respect. In the end the trainers had eager, responsive horses who would do almost anything asked of them.

So is spending time training horses a luxury or a necessity? I believe that there are no “bad” horses. Wild horses may have certain habits that won’t work in the horse/rider partnership, but by befriending them, these can be overcome. Is spending time working with our emotions a luxury or a necessity for creating inner alignment? In mentoring Happy Body clients, I often see people who have broken or “killed” their “horses.” Their emotions are deadened and they follow their strict, old habits like slaves. Many of our clients are highly successful natural leaders, very capable of mastery in other aspects of their lives. They’re aware that they haven’t developed a healthy lifestyle and they don’t know how to rejuvenate. Some of these clients complain of chronic fatigue, or a lack of interest or energy—another clear sign that their heart isn’t in what they’re making themselves do. They also have no understanding of how to train their inner horses so they can work in partnership with their emotions. The emotions that usually surface first are frustration, embarrassment, anger, and shame or defensive pride, a sign that the inner relationship isn’t healthy.

As mentors, we understand the power of emotion. All our energy goes into helping people overcome their emotional obstacles—through poetry, stories, meditation and relaxation—so they can begin to build a relationship with their own emotions. We are trying to help them light the fire from within; we know that it’s the only key to real change.

The process of training a horse or working with emotions is ongoing—you can’t ignore your horse in a stable for three months and expect to win a race. The exploration of this topic reminded me how thoughtful you have to be: You have to have daily rituals and habits that support your emotional wellbeing. If you are emotionally well then your physical body will follow.